I’ve summed everything I know about life to this;
I hit a wall about a year ago when I was rudely woken up to the fact that I’m not the kind of person that does well with restrictions. That’s not to say I’m not disciplined… In fact, I’m probably one of the more disciplined people you’d meet, but when I feel like I have to choose one thing over another, forget it.
I chose one thing, but found myself neck-deep in guilt when I wanted the other. I labeled myself as “x” but found myself sort of interested in “y”.
I can’t help it, I’m human.
So are you, incase you were unsure.
And it’s okay for you too… that you want one thing and another thing. Maybe at different times. Maybe in different seasons. Maybe at the same time.
Why does life have to be so BLACK AND WHITE?
Which is a totally ironic expression used to describe something as being strictly one or another yet it has the word “and” smack in the middle?
Why can’t things be black and white? At the same time though?
- I’m a Christian, I believe that God created me. That God loves me… But I also think astrology is super cool and I think there is a huge significance to the moon. I spent a season of my life serving every Sunday and working on staff at a church and now, in this season, I’m sharing my heart via yoga. I choose both.
- I’m really smart. I pride myself in how smart I am sometimes. But I’m also really creative. I can outthink and outdraw a lot of people. I was both a pre-med student for a hot second and an art student for a hot second. It freaked people out when I was interviewing for a job, always asking why this then that? My answer now; I like both.
- I’m an anxious mess. My mind knots up tighter than the laces on my running shoes most days. I have an uncanny ability to think myself into a hole. But I carry myself as cool as a cucumber most days. I went to get a physical at my PCP the other day (eye roll) and she asked me how my anxiety was (from my last physical with her 5 years ago)… I said “anxiety?” and moved on like it was no big thing. But it is a big thing. But it’s not, because I can be both. I choose both. I love both.
I think choosing to be or love or pursue or whatever both is a really healthy way to pursue life. Each day that passes chooses both; day & night. Our life as a whole chooses both; life & death. I think it leaves a safe amount of space open for you to change your mind at any point. I think it allows for margins of error. Which allows space for Grace to work.
I think both is powerful.
It makes people uncomfortable when someone chooses both, mostly because it takes bravery. People may think it’s weird that you can be going through the most turbulent season in your life but also be oozing with joy AT THE SAME TIME. Let go of this idea of black OR white, and embrace the bothness.
Today, July 23rd, 2018 I am both;
Joyful and sad.
Excited and scared.
Having a great hair day and a horrible breakout.
A yoga teacher and a believer.
Lonely and loved.
A writer and a reader.
Lost and found.
Letting go and holding on.
Whatever takes priority IN THE MOMENT is the thing that I allow to take center stage in my life. Without judgement by me. Working on the ‘without judgement’ by other people part. But right now, it’s both. Judged & un-judged.
And for the sake of argument; I can choose to commit to ONE thing and choose to embrace this idea of pursuing bothness. Because that’s bothness too.
It really is just a peaceful and anxiety reducing way to live each day, just embracing both; embracing everything. Believe in something. Pursue something. Honor something. Love something. But don’t be afraid to add to that list…
The human heart is big enough for BOTH.