I took some much needed time to be present during the holidays. I didn’t blog, I tried not to post a whole lot. But it’s a New Year, a new day & I’m ready to get back to it.
& with that – I see a problem arising.
I’m all about getting rid of a bad vibe. Whether it be a wrong job, a toxic relationship, an inflammatory food – whatever.
I don’t think I’m alone either… The general Insta consensus is ‘get rid of what’s not serving you.’
I had a thought.
What if we aren’t being conscious enough about HOW we’re removing said negativity?
Because what if, by us getting rid of ‘what’s not serving us’, we’re actually sometimes creating more negativity?
Because when you remove people that are no longer serving you from your life, it’s a… well.. delicate situation. Or it should be. But I fear that, as it becomes more & more socially acceptable to just ditch the drama and those causing it – it’s becoming less & less delicate. And that’s maybe a problem.
Don’t think it’s a problem?
Look at some of the quotes on Pinterest when you type in “negativity quotes”
“The less you respond to negative people, the more peaceful
your life will become”
“Keep your miserable ass away from me”
“Some people are like clouds, when they disappear it becomes a beautiful day”
If you actually look at those words with an objective eye, they’re somewhat mean.
Again, I’m all about getting rid of a bad vibe. There are absolutely times and places to remove people from your life. However – there’s a way to do it. There’s also a way to talk about “those people” that you ditched to the curb. Though they may be negative, they’re still human. Not trash. We need to stop acting like we’re so much better than our negative baggage. Because, maybe we’re unknowingly someone else’s negative curb trash?? Which brings me to my first tip;
Make your bad vibe aware that they’re a bad vibe.
If you’ve gotta ‘get rid of’ the negative people in your life – I totally understand. I don’t judge you at all and I’m sure you have a very long list of reasons that brought you to this decision… But let them know that you have to let them go for now (or forever).
Why? Because more than likely – they have no idea how you feel. While you may not care how they feel about how you feel, you should care about the bi-product of your detox choice. Because if you’re causing pain by sparing your own pain, then aren’t you just robbing Peter to pay Paul? You’re not ridding your life of the problem, you’re simply temporarily transferring the pain from one party to another.
Another reason why the bad vibe’s lack of knowledge is potential problem – you ridding yourself of said bad vibe but still sitting with your pain and hurt and boiling over with anger while they’re off frolicking around thinking everything is fine. Who’s carrying the pain in this scenario?
It’s worth a conversation.
Piggy backing on the first point, it’s worth having a conversation with the toxic person you’re about to remove. It will make you feel better, leave you in a better standing should you decide to invite that person back into your life at a later date and it will leave the other person in a better place as well. While it definitely may not seem like it at the time; everyone wins. That’s different from everyone being happy about the outcome.
It can be extremely difficult to remove someone from your life. And quite frankly, the language that has been recently used around this idea has been… loose. So if nothing else, a conversation will give you an ounce of closure.
Maybe you’re a bad vibe.
Put yourself in their shoes. Treat others how you’d want to be treated. Your momma taught you respect. ETC.
We’re all people. We all act in ways that maybe we are unaware of. We all act in ways that maybe we are unaware are toxic to other people.
Maybe we’re all a bad vibe to someone else and they’re low-key contemplating throwing us to the curb.
No one’s safe.
Like actually, Ouch. What if it was you? What if you were the person behind all of those “negative people in your life” quotes? What if you’re the cloud that someone else would rather not have in their sky?
I feel like I’ve been the person that others had to ditch. In fact, I know I have been. And it hurts like mother f*cker. It changed how I decided to handle the people that I threw into my detox bucket.
It’s so important to detox. It’s so important to get rid of what’s not serving you. It’s so important to keep your inner & outer space clear. Sometimes that absolutely means saying goodbye to people in your life. People come and go for reasons and in seasons. But that does not dismiss the human-factor. It’s how you leave, not why. It’s how you leave, not who.
It may not seem like a big deal, but an attitude of simply ‘ditching negative people’ can start to string itself together to become a theme in your life. While that may feel like something to be somewhat proud of in today’s world – it’s not, unless you’re handling it with respect. Handling it less like a juice cleanse and more like an adult accountability.
Just some thoughts moving into 2019, Happy New Year loves!