I have a hard question to ask you; if you weren’t so busy, what would you have to face?
The old, prideful, ignorant me would have say nothing. But that was before I realized that I use my busy schedule to keep myself from having to think about the things that hurt.
Work, working out, teaching, writing, dog mom-ing, cleaning, shopping, socializing, etc’ing.
You should see what my Saturday’s look like in my planner before I come to terms with what I’m realistically capable of fitting into one day. I jam-pack my days full of activities and all this time I thought those tendencies stemmed from my hating to be bored. But it’s really because of what happens when I’m bored.
Before, when I was upset or anxious or feeling some sort of way – resorting to a run or a workout was a quick fix. It guaranteed a high that I could ride out for the rest of the day. But that’s the thing – it only lasted a day. I’d have to do it all over again the next day! It’s exhausting to be addicted to something. And if you’re not sure if you’re addicted to something, try seeing what happens if you don’t do it.
Busying yourself to keep yourself busy is exhausting.
I want to workout and fill my days with things because I genuinely want to spend my time doing those things, not because I need that vibe in order to love my vibe.
I’m starting to realize lately that I need to be more aware of why I’m doing what I’m doing. Am I busying myself because I’m avoiding sitting with whatever is bubbling up?
& on that note – how does one sit with something? Like, actually sit with it?
Busyness can be a bandaid. Wellness can be a bandaid.
Here’s the thing – there are definitely worse things to be addicted to, I get it. But you will waste your life running, spinning, lifting, green juicing & dieting if you’re not also actively working on the shit you’ve back burnered for later.
It works. It feels good to be busy and needed and on time and early and late. It feels good to have a schedule and a plan. But it does not feel good when you start to notice the mundane, dull weight of your busyness… It can often times be heavier than the actual thing you’re hiding from.
Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just hiding behind your occupied life.
Sit w/ what hurts;
Your triceps look great, your quads look even better. You killed it in that spin class. You’re climbing the ladder at work… All of that, is strength.
But strength ALSO looks like stopping to sit with what hurts. Recognizing when something is bubbling up, clearing your schedule, sitting down with yourself & dealing with it.
It’s important. Kind of like when something bubbles up in your relationship and you just have to fix it right away. You call, you sit down, you talk, you resolve it.
But how do you do it with yourself? When you don’t know what to do to actually fix what hurts? You simply observe.
Take mental notes. Ask yourself why? Ask yourself if the thoughts that come up are true, or if they’re just your mind freaking out again.
If it’s a situation that’s bugging you, think out or write out your ideal outcome in a perfect world.
Reflect. Reflect. Reflect.
What do you need to learn? Why is this still on your mind?
What can you take away? If you were to look at a wall in someones home that was cluttered with miscellaneous decor pieces and photos and junk, what would you say? That wall is really BUSY. It’s cluttered up. It needs to breathe. So create some space for the busy walls in your mind to breathe.
I think you’ll find, like I did, that taking twenty minutes out of your busy day to just sit with yourself in that dark hole that your mind can go to from time to time is much more healing than that $9 juice.
Almost anything will work again if you turn it off, unplug it, wait a few moments and try again.
We’re all so busy trying to be unavailable to the things that aren’t serving us, that we forget to be available to the things that are… like sleep.
I’m starting to come to terms with the fact that I need to rest more often than not. It’s not about two workouts a day or taking pride in the fact that I was so busy that I unintentionally intermittent fasted.
It’s okay to take a day off. In fact, it’s necessary. As much as I hate to say it; it’s okay to be bored. It’s okay to have a day where you feel like you’re losing progress faster than you’re making it.
Healing isn’t vertical;
I think the biggest frustration that I’ve encountered as I’ve made a serious attempt to sit with what is going on beneath my hustle is the fact that true healing looks more like the richter scale of an earthquake than it does a steady incline.
Which, I mean – is super annoying.
But, like anything else – it’s not without intention. Could you imagine if every good thing you did for your life just simply added another brick to the tower that is your ego? That it never got kicked down? We wouldn’t need each other, we wouldn’t need trust, we wouldn’t need faith. We wouldn’t need anything, actually… Because we would be one hundred percent capable of doing everything on our own. Self sustainable.
But we’re not. It takes time. It takes highs and lows and in-betweens.
Busyness doesn’t have to just be something that you use to mask a trauma or something more recognizable like shame or guilt or that fight you had with your mom last week. It can also be something that you use to hide your fears under. You don’t time to worry when you’re playing Russian roulette with the drive-times in-between your appointments, right?
We’ve all said it before – you hear bad news, get a diagnosis, go through a break up… “I just need to keep myself busy,” we say.
Take my advice – Don’t play hide & seek with your problems. They’re better at it than you.
Be busy because you like being busy, not because you don’t like addressing the stuff that other people don’t see. So tell me – if you weren’t so busy, what would you have to face?